Talk at Your Employees, Not With Them

This killing tendency is all too common. When you talk at someone, you’re talking down to her. You’re being condescending. Often this kind of approach is accompanied by pointing a finger or pen, and the frequent use of words like “I want” and “you should.” It can’t even be called “giving orders” — it is attacking people with rank and the threat of retribution. The result? Over time, team members will either leave or, perhaps worse, gradually become what your tyrannical style is teaching them to be: responsive only to direct orders … not self-starters … distrustful of management … uncommitted to your vision … unmotivated to operate beyond performance minimums. This absolutely destroys any connection or rapport with the person you are trying to reach.

Manager should talk with team members. One of the best ways to do this is to start using the words “we,” “our” and “us.” “We’ve got our work cut out for us in order to make the deadline we committed to.” “Well, we blew it on that order. Let’s figure out what we learned and do our best not to repeat the error.”

The Developing Person Through the Life Span